letter to my younger self

Dear 16 year old Prachi,

Life is hard. I know but you are going to be okay. It’s time to adapt a new lifestyle one that is devoted to positivity. Remember that you are in full control of your thoughts and emotions. Some things are just meant to happen, but not meant to be. Continue looking for new things to do that’ll take you so far.

I wish you had been nicer to your parents. Of course they didn’t understand you (whose parents understand them?) but they did care about you, even though they didn’t know how to show it. Just think for once how life would have been hard for them too. They love you more than any boy could ever love you. And there is no way you could ever repay them for what they do for you.

These next few years are going to be hard. Harder than you can even imagine right now. As much as you want to hold your breath and close your eyes, keep them open and breathe. While this is the scariest time in your life, and will probably always be, feel it all. Witness it all. Soak in every ounce of joy and pain.

Let go of expectations. People will always disappoint you if you don't. The greatest disappointments of your life haven't even happened yet, so brace yourself. Know you have everything you need in life within you. You don't need to rely on anyone. That's a luxury you won't always be afforded, but that's okay because you can handle this. Cry as much as you want to. But deep down stay strong.

Your friends are going to change. You guys will drift apart and that’s just a part of growing up. Appreciate and cherish every moment with those who are close to you. Because one day they would be gone.

Remember that what you are going through is going to make you strong for the world out there. You may be afraid of the future but don’t be. There is nothing more valuable than your personal well being. Love yourself. Take care of your mental health. Life is harsh and so are people. And life is not going to be easy either. Beware of people and try trusting very few of them. You are enough for yourself! Believe in your sixth sense. But first love yourself.

I know that I just said you don't need to rely on anyone, but you will need to be supported by others. You will need more help than you know. That shoulder to cry on, that ride to the grocery store. You will need that laugh and those people who have your back through the turbulence. While they won't always be there, they will leave a lasting impact on you. Life will bring you trustworthy people as well.

You've always been amazing, don't lower those standards. You deserve the best, even when it won't feel like it these next few years. Listen to yourself and break up with that boy when he is being toxic to you. It will only cause you more pain to wait… and remember, quitting is a form of self care. Let yourself make that bad mistake, it was a choice you needed to explore.

Life is waiting with someone very precious to you. When you see his face you will know. He is your partner in life. The one who will communicate with you better than anyone has ever in your life. The one that will support you through the darkness. He will push you to articulate what's happening internally. He will challenge you to be better and to take responsibility, to let go of expectations on others, and to take care of yourself. He will listen to you and try to understand you in a way that no one ever has.

More than with men though, let love in for yourself. You will feel worthless, like an animal, like a monster during these next few years. Who am I kidding? You already feel this way. It will just be mirrored back to you in the most inhumane ways.

But for a 16-year-old, you were right about a lot of things.

The only person you need to believe is –YOU!

Live freely. Be mindful. Take chances. Read books. And always try to stay true to who you are.

Remember it has to happen that way to make you what you are going to be someday.

 With love and minimal regrets,

22 year old Prachi